I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
