i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
