I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
