at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
