you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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