OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
