Define "chronic" masturbator.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
