it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
