Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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