I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
