she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
