well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
