My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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