i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
