Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need water and some morals
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
