I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
