I think i peed on brittanys purse
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize