I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
