he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
