OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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