Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
