I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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