Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
