Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
