I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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