Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
