got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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