I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Two words: blizzard sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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