I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
