I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
