What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
