my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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