haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
