she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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