dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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