I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
