Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize