great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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