I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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