i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
