Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
