I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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