are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
