I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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