he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
