wrigley field is MILF paradise
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
