You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Randomize
