I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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