RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
