Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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