i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
