Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
