You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
