Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
