I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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