look no pants
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
