Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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