so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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