3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
