We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
