At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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