Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
