I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
