His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
