i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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