Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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