How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
