woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
