I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize