I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
