Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
