yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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