Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
now i know why i became what i already was.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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