Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
