i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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