@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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