I think im going to throw up on grandma
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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