I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
