you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
