You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
