It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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