I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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