i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
smell my finger.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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