if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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