if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
