singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
