So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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