either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
