Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
