the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
