I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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