Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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