I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
