He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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