So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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