Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
