Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
