I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
