I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
