Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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