i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
