butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
