Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
